Elements of Inner Change

Inner change is an issue that has in one way or the other occupied the mind of each of us, at one point or another in our lives. Becoming better persons, better partners, finding what we really want and following our heart, becoming ourselves, becoming happy.

"Am I ever gonna change?"
"Will I always stay the same?"

Do these ring any bells?

There is a lot of talk about change so I can freely add to that my own point of view.

Inner Change can happen. Inner change happens.

From my personal experience I have an idea of how it happens, but...
Although you may know how change happens, you can't force it to happen.
If it is going to happen, change will happen by itself.

This does not mean that you can do nothing at all about change. Of course you can. You can do a lot. You can do a lot, but only to prepare the grounds for change to happen. You can only prepare for change. If and when it is going to happen, change will happen by itself, almost spontaneously.

If you try to force change, you only make it harder for it to happen.
This is because what we do about change is mostly at the logical level. True inner change happens at the subconsious.

We all think we are purely logical, rational beings. We are not and we can never be. We can never articulate all the reasons why we are who we are, why we do what we do, why we like what we like, mostly because there are NO reasons to articulate. No reasons to analyze, examine and then logically substitute with new reasons that will make us somebody new. It doesn't work that way.

You have most probably heard that finding oneself in a real life-threatening situation and having a narrow escape is a life changing experience. Instantly your life flashes before your eyes, instantly you reevaluate everything and all of a sudden you are a new person.

OK, you know that, now try thinking really hard of yourself being in a life-threatening situation and having a narrow escape. Does it make you a new person? Does it change you? It should, damn it! But it won't... No matter how hard you try.
Why? Because you are NOT a purely rational being. Just accept it and play on. A logical thought like the one above cannot by itself cause inner change to happen, because... it is LOGICAL and inner change happens at the subconsious.

I said that I think I know how change happens but you can't force it to happen. I briefly covered the second part, which is the most crucial to realize. So how does change happen then?

Basically it is a truly stunning and staggering... two step process:
(1) Get new input
(2) Go to step 1.

Who would guess that inner change would be as simple as that???

Here is how it works. As you see, all that the process requires from you is to get new input, mainly into your logical brain. New input, new information, broadens your understanding, your perspectives, your options, your logical reasons TO and NOT TO do things.
New input will hopefully make you a bit wiser and it will prepare the path for inner change, but will not change you by itself.

As you keep on getting new input at some point a "critical mass" will be accomplished.
Now, it IS possible for change to happen. Now, it MAY happen.

Yes, but how does change happen after all?

Well, let's discuss first HOW do you get input. The input you need can only come from other humans. Not from a video game. Discuss life with your friends, open up to a total stranger you met in a bar, discuss with the barman if you will, see a psychologist, two psychologists, read books (they are mostly written by humans), any kind of book, not just psychology or self-help. Any kind of input is worthy. Any kind of input somehow contributes to the critical mass.

It is not a matter of how much input you gather. Once you are above critical mass, you are good. How much input you've got will only determine what kind of change will happen to you. Not when it will happen.

So, once again, how and when will change happen?

The missing element, the element that cannot be included in the two-step process above, is the TRIGGER.
It is an event that will trigger the inner change in the subconsious. By event I mean either an actual event (like a life-threatening car crash), something personal a friend told you, a thought that "randomly" poped up in your head, an unusual dream, or even some lyrics in a song. Anything can be your trigger.

There is no way to force the trigger to "happen". You can only be "open" to it and give it some fair chances, tempt chance. I mean sitting at home watching TV or staying awake in bed late at night thinking things over and over don't sound very triggering. Tempt chance, don't try too hard and remember to stay just a bit reasonable :-)
I mean, attempting suicide just to see how it feels like and if anyone will come to rescue you and care for you, or quickly divorcing your wife only to find out that it is her that you really love are probably "trying extra-hard" and plain silly. Take it easy, take it slow, and fate will take you anywhere you deeply intend to go.

Haven't you heard of the saying "When a disciple is ready, the teacher will appear"?
Do you see any similarities here? Will the teacher come to teach? Or will the teacher only come to trigger the disciple and make him LEARN in his heart apart from his mind and thus make him wise? The teacher's true mastery is not the knowledge of facts, it is knowing how to create the proper triggers for the disciple.

I do believe that when we are ready to learn then the true teacher always appears, because we can finally let him appear. Because finally anyone can serve as the teacher.

Similarly I do believe that when we are ready for inner change then the trigger always appears, because we can finally let it appear. Because finally anything can act as a trigger.

Have fun!
Dimitris Staikos